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you are my sweetest downfall [Mar. 10th, 2008|12:41 pm]
[mood | happy]

woah journal update from times that are a different page now
Nate and I back in december had a really violent breakup, see, after 6 monthes of hoping for a better life on december 6th, it didnt go as planned. He moved out of home, and was starting down a path that im now convinced that we were never meant to follow down both. To end that chapter, I love nate, thats no lie, but that whole sequence of events that happened that 6 monthes just amazes me, like it was all meant to be
makes me believe there really is a higher power out there
See, Nate was the only guy to ever tell me he was looking for love, not lust, truthfully

he was also the only guy who cared enough to help me out of my home
I cant explain it, because ive told the details so much, i dont feel like exlaining everything that happened that six monthes, but just believe me when i say
all the events played out like it was meant to be
See, it also seems like that whole drama sequence that made up that 6 monthes (living in lifeworks-a homeless shelter, being homeless, and dropping out of school) was only preparation for today
like a roller coaster that lead to an awakening
Okay, so back in september i met a sweetheart named stubbs, who ironically lived in the same apt as nates dad, and i messed with his cat a many times over the summer, and i just kinda started following stubbs as a friend while i was dating nate
after nate choked me, i went to hangout with stubbs, cause i had no where else to go
that was the night we kissed....awww ahha
but anywho, jeez theres so much to say but no way to say it, mainly because its hard to put people in my shoes and thoughts but anywho
stubbs cared a lot about me too, surprised me so that i wanted to break up with em a couple of times, but stubbs is the one who found me a home where i lay now
pretty amazing, because he found me a home with two of the humane people (yes there are still some left, ive met a handful in this adventure) ive met, they let me live here in roundrock rent free, with food and cigarettes, until i got my birthcirtficate, ID, and social back, things i didnt have preventing me from getting a job
gave me a happy christmas too : ) (spent the week with him in corpus)
If it wasnt for stubbs and nate i dont know quite where ill be
as paul put it perfectly, i would have fallen between the cracks
well, to put it as to why the roller coaster landed to safely:

"hey I kinda wanna talk to you about something and get your opinion.... call me ok ? my number is just soo you know I have already gotten mo and da's blessing but befoe I go any further I wanna know what you think of me becoming your guardian and you moving to Guam with me? we would have our own place and everything... well call me when a time is good for you and we'll talk about it"

the message is from my sister on feb.28
for those who have known me forever, remember when my sister promised me that the would do whatever she can to get custody of me and take me out of the home back in 8th grade? I lost hope in that promise as soon as she moved in with ben
a magnificent happy ending after all :')
this is euphoria, like none other happiness
See, I work at tacodeli now, 8 an hour +tips, awsome people that work there, hell they hired me on the spot without any ID and with pink ass dreads
I dont know how long stubbs and I will last, but i dont care, ima enjoy him as much as I can haha
Im working on getting amber custody and in around summer im moving to Guam, where ill get a car, im bringing as many seeds as i can (i dont think i can stay sober for two years...) i can be a bartender at 17...woo!, and shes sending me to a private school for 2 years to finish my high school education
its like in fight club-
only when you have nothing at all will you then have everything
ive never been happier, i just want to pay back everyone that was there for me

and i will.
but just remember, when things look shitty, its really just a climax to the future, never lose hope, that better times are coming, everything does work out in the end
link3 comments|post comment

(no subject) [Nov. 8th, 2007|08:18 pm]
I just feel so alone.
link2 comments|post comment

(no subject) [Aug. 3rd, 2007|03:12 pm]
[mood | curious]

well to update from the last journal entry
i dont live at home anymore
for the past two weeks....i think ive been living at kumoris/nates well kinda everywhere cause i cant sleep at nates cause his dad wont let me and kumori just plain doesnt sleep
beer pong 24/7 just...gets fuckin old
workin at papa murphys, doubt anymore on the fact that i kinda....just stopped showing up
oops
making pizza on no sleep and still kinda fucked over is not fun, specially only getting paid 6$ an hour and having to help out on rent and drugs LAME
oh well
ill find a better job
but apparently im supposed to go to schlitterbaun tomorrow with my family is gonna be awkward on a count that i ran away, they called the cops, and i called my mother the other day to say i love you and im safe to only have the most awkward conversation of my life
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(no subject) [Jul. 11th, 2007|08:21 pm]
well so ive been grounded for the past four weeks, and it would have ended this fucking saturday
so i decide for this whole week ill actually obey grounding, such as turned down hanging out with cameron and ashton twice, party at kumoris and a kegger
which is pretty damn fucking hard for me and i was fucking proud
AND i decide to do my parents a sweet favour by painting the inside of the hollowed out squares on the door intriquleyblabla which is harder than it sounds
my dad said hurry up
so i call nate over to help me around three and by 330 when my mom gets home we finish one door and start on the other half and half about 5 more doors to do
my mom walks in and tells me this morning her and dad thought it should be done this certain way, which means i have to fill in and redo everything ive done, and they couldnt bother to tell me this morning
then when im cooking them this nice chicken dinner my dad comes home to tell me because nate was over im grounded for another week

for having nate over to help me do a favour for their room to make it look nicer


uhhhh....yeah fuck grounding they can kiss my white caucasian native american fucking ass, and suck it though a straw too with all the bull shit and lies theyve been playin


oh and if they even try and calling the cops to get me for my earlier court charges runaway sagatory rape on nate bla bla fucking bullshit

i will just have to tell those fine ass cop[s about the CPS charges and them consenting to underage drinking at their house

you know what i just hate the most about all this bullshit? I stand up for my father, my sister, and my brother against my mother and they never ever have the pleasant ass thought of returning the favour for me
none of their asses are behind me
because they're all fucking pussies

OH and to make this entry even longer about ranting
my sister has two boyfriends, and basically fucks in front of my parents
and my parents have the nerve to call me a whore for dating a guy whose 19
they call me a whore everyday, when if they actually bothered to listen to me they would know my morals that ive had since forever
fuck these assholes
FIVE MORE MONTHES UNTIL IM LEGAL TO LEAVE ASSSSSSSHITS
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Ignorance is bliss [Jul. 6th, 2007|08:13 pm]
틀리기 쉬운, 실수를 저지르는, 불완전한
spējīgs kļūdīties
подверженный ошибкам
hata yapabilir, yanılabilir
erehtyväinen
bisa salah
που μπορεί να σφάλλει, επιρρεπής στα λάθη
linkęs klysti
falível
قابِل للخَطَأ

onbekwaam
link2 comments|post comment

(no subject) [Jul. 1st, 2007|04:44 pm]
[mood | chipper]

So...I completely met Jesus yesterday
and got blazed as fuck and drunk with Jesus


this is a life changing experience.
link13 comments|post comment

(no subject) [Apr. 29th, 2007|09:29 pm]
[mood | amused]


Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting




Eeyore's was a doozy, Marley fest was another doozy
Jake and I broke up, because he turned into a two-year old thanks to baah da bah!valium! fuck that shit, and fuck him thinking i was cheating on him every two god damn seconds
link6 comments|post comment

(no subject) [Apr. 17th, 2007|07:45 pm]
[mood | tired]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVEE.
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What if you woke up with me in your bed, what would you say? [Apr. 9th, 2007|07:32 pm]
[mood | amused]

Positive entry!
.talked to mandy and decided that after i graduate Im going to move to Louisianna to go to UNO, because there's a great transfer thing from community college where i would only have to pay for dorms and books, and mandy owns her house after highschool, right next door to UNO, it's not a definite plan, but sounds like a good financial one
.Selling paintings, screenprints, designs, ect. for a small price to earn back the 120 dollars, hopefully tomorrow will already earn twenty (so in other words if you need anything atisticified, call me)
.Amber is going to the navy (to become a military drug dog trainer...whaaaat) over the summer and told me she is leaving her car with me over the whole summer, mom and pop might have the keys, but they aren't very good at uhh, keeping things, specially since my sister has a spare they dont know about (So if you have a license and insurance, and need a car, call me...again, haha)
.Skipped 7th, then took the hall pass for the whole period of World History and came back in with terra? haha
.Today was a generally good day, off grounding this weekend, which means i get to see jake :)
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(no subject) [Apr. 7th, 2007|01:01 pm]
[mood | aggravated]

Behind in about 6 weeks of work, and the 6 weeks ends next week, but everytime i sit down to work on it out of school it seems something always comes up to attack
My brother, who put me in the seizure, is still mooching off of the house, and as much as I try and explain how much I want him gone my brother always finds someway to meezle my parents
Haven't seen Jake in two weeks, because my parents banned me from seeing people outside school until further notice, which is good in some cases to use as an excuse to avoid the fuck out of someone, but no bueno in other cases
Owe $120 because some asshole gave us fake shit, told us he was going to pay us back, then he 'got robbed' and told the cops our names
After getting busted the day before from Cox, and having a conversation with him that gave a lot of respect for the guy, I get three referrals based on bullshit
First one was understandable, cheating on a test
But the next two were from:
Justine returned from ALC tues 2.27, has been late to class TWICE since then. Also, noticed she has an unexcused absence 8th period wednesday. Im wondering why she would be late after lunch since she is not supposed to be off-campus
THat's some nice shit he's trying to get me into, specially since wednesday I have a pass from the nurse allowing me to leave at 3rd period, and being late to class shouldn't automatically mean I was off-campus, it means it took me awhile to get from the third floor to your class, ionno, ive been having problems with this teacher since ive gotten back, such as a person from our group was talking on their phone to their job and I got yelled at for it, and its just plain hypocritical that i do more work and come to class more often then some of the other people in that class, but i got two referrals
There's just some plain nice bullshit in general going on.
It's wierd that I only use this to bitch it seems
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aw dang [Mar. 19th, 2007|06:05 pm]
[mood | pain.]

Well today I had a trauma-induced seizure, and those bastard of ems drug tested me, after they told me that all of their questions was to help me, and had nothing to do with the piggies, yet they hired a detective?
link3 comments|post comment

(no subject) [Mar. 12th, 2007|10:55 am]
[mood | blank]



hmm...well, in short terms, I feel Im losing my sanity and the only thing keeping it there is a canvas stapled to the wall
that's all I have important to update about, besides the fact that Ive gone through 2 packs a day now it seems
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(no subject) [Feb. 18th, 2007|05:43 pm]
[mood | amused]

haha, well, i finally got back at my mom the less hostile way, and still pretty proud i guess
we got in a fight this morning about me getting in between her fights with dad, even though we all feel its verbal abuse by now then after that she made me make her breakfast
So i took a stab at making her the raunchiest breakfast i could, including not cooking the sausage all the way, making her salsa half and half with my spit, and giving her the dirtiest fork i could find, with raw eggs
and i hope she gets sick
and i hope she learns you dont fuck with the people who serve you
link4 comments|post comment

(no subject) [Feb. 7th, 2007|07:26 pm]
[mood | blank]

My brother is in Jail
I will probably spend more time in alc now that i think about it
My godmother, whom i haven't talked to since my elementary years, maybe a little in middle, called wanted to 'hang out' saturday, which i hope has nothing to do with pot period.
Ive fucked myself over with some things, but i dont want to get out of it, but i still dont want to be in the situation, which isnt about what you think it is
and I found out that no matter how hard I try, Im like my mother
except she never got caught, which she keeps reminding me
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(no subject) [Feb. 4th, 2007|12:20 am]
[mood | accomplished]

haha, Tom came over, because he lives like two seconds away, and basically the day went around, making fun of television and controls, knocking down a fence, pissing off the capital metro dude, stealing a penguin statue and stashing in some dudes truck, and wrecking someones flower masterpiece
and coming back home around midnight reaking of alcohol, burnt hairspray torches, cigarettes, and fake febreze coverup
haha, debauchery!
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ive never been so excited to see cigarettes! [Jan. 29th, 2007|04:26 pm]
My mother, in order to protest the new tax laws on cigarettes, decided to buy cigarettes online from other countries, because they're 10 bucks a carton instead of 40 here for the same brand
the best part though
getting a package from fucking russia, all in russian!
the cigarettes are so different, and better of course, when they're in fucking russian! haha
dont worry terra, i promise as soon as i get back to school ill give you a pack, haha
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Dont judge me. [Jan. 25th, 2007|09:35 pm]
[mood | stoic]

please stop, both of you
she has a point deary, it was over a year ago, and its just time to let go and move on
things may happen in life, but we need to adapt and move on
Ionno
The judge gave me a third chance, which im so grateful for, because i should be in jail
if he didnt give me a third chance, i would owe the city half a grand, I would be illegable basically for any college, by the law, i wouldn't be allowed for a scholarship, and just all this other shit would happen to me
He told me if I fuck up again he's putting me in jail, and all this other shit
But I just want this legal shit to stop, this is about my third or fourth time in the same court
haha, I called Jake and his first response was 'You're alive!'

Makes me feel kinda stupid that Im proving so many people right
And that's the major thing that's bothering me

Im not failing in life though, so Im proving you wrong by that, fuck you

It seems lately like everyone I know is somehow getting fucked in the asshole, somehow, by various things, and its just plain sad
He's fucking with my friend, and I told her what happened by him, and she didnt believe me, more she didnt want to believe me, and I just fucked up her life more
Why, we're all sinking in shit, even the best of us
I don't even know who I am anymore
I used to know who I was, and I was happy then
but then it just stopped
and what lingers on my mind the most, is in the end, will I be just like her and not even know it at all?
Will I make everyone depressed, and keep myself depressed, and not even realize it?
I dont know, I miss who I was then.
ANd im scared everyday that Im going to fuck up this relationship with Jake somehow, like I did everything else, I dont want that, he seems to be my happiest thing right now
I dont know anything anymore.
link4 comments|post comment

(no subject) [Jan. 22nd, 2007|10:32 pm]
[mood | amused]

My mom accused me of poisoning her food.

What she doesnt know is there was bleach in her beer and the ol'LSD in her salt.
hah, I wish sometimes.
link2 comments|post comment

don't be a fucking pettifogger! [Jan. 20th, 2007|03:33 pm]
[mood | dreamy]

i learned a new word today, 'pettifogger' short for a shyster
haha, i love it.
about to go to jakes house, woop
i hate any kind of marlboros.
linkpost comment

(no subject) [Jan. 16th, 2007|12:15 pm]
[mood | amused]

It's snowing in Texas
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